I'm going to jail i love you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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