I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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