so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
