if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
