He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
