She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
