I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
