i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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