There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
