I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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