drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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