Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
