You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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