She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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