I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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