I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
