It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
