I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
