As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
