Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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