i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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