it was like his penis was on wheels.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
