I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this just has baby written all over it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
