i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
