why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
