i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i now understand why vodka
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
