K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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