Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
