This dress was meant to end up on your floor
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
