he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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