Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
