The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
