first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
