I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
