i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
