also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
