I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
