Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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