Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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