oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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