What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
