If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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