Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you had me at cake vodka
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
