i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
