the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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