I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
