It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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