Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
