we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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