I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
