Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
