that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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