I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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