talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
