I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
