i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
