I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
