Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
