eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
